To be very honest

Why I let myself cry and grief 
(Sometimes)

I've once read that feeling Pain, Grief and Sadness means you're alive.
You feel. You're in the moment, you're in ache and you feel everything that's been said and done.

That feeling pain, just means you're alive.
And feeling in itself is beautiful.
Many often dread feeling upset, grief, sadness.
Because why would you live your life being upset when you could smile and get over it?
Yes, I understand that concept. And I often beat myself up for not doing so.
But this is what I often tell myself in the back of my mind while I curl up and drown myself In tears and sad music playing on repeat.

A single person has a thousand emotions per day.
It could come from your school, job, relationships, personal thoughts or whatever that's thrown to you.

And that either makes or breaks your entire day.
From that one smile, that one tear or that one stutter in your voice.

I allow pain, grief and sorrow to over-take me very so often.
More often than I would like to admit.
In my head, I would like the world to perceive me as strong- independent and that I don't need anyone's shoulders or arms to make me feel better.
But I don't succeed every now and then.

I feel alive more than ever.
I feel alive more than ever when the pain hits me in the chest.
When the tears start rolling down your cheeks and when your vision goes blur.
It makes me think,
Yes. I'm in this moment. I'm human. I'm feeling and I can feel.

Now to think about it.
Happiness doesn't mean we don't feel.
But the sadness hits us in the chest harder than happiness would ever slap us across the face.

That certain break-up will continue to haunt your memories more than those 30 dates you've been on.

You take the bad with the good. The good with the bad. Forever has an ending and the happiness will sooner come with an end.

When you accept happiness, you also accept the fact that this smile will fade. The tears will come and this shall not last forever.
If something could make you that happy, that same thing, could make you that upset and in grief.

You live and you feel. You feel and you live.